Bush Discovers
Weapons of Ass Obstruction
in Cheney's Drawers:
Above are just a few of the warheads that Bush found. In a press conference, Bush said his AIDS ass-ured him that every weapon found was nuculer!
Cheney indicated that the two weapons in the upper left of the photo above were state-of-the-art "Bunger-Busters" that made his Colin go "Pow!"
Says Bush, "Although many doubted that we would ever find the weapons, after personally examining them, the American people can feel proud of my Rumps-felt, the best ever Sex-with-hairy General I have ever had. I feel vindicated. The taste of victory is sweet. Even with all of his meticulous planning, Tommy's Franks never tasted so good."
Important Notice:
Given assassination attempts on the life of Dr. Dick Schmocter by Philistines, Pharisees, and other fanatics, authorities have had to up security measures to protect the good doctor. However, thanks to the Constitution of the United States of America, Dr. Schmocter continues to provide treatment to those who most desperately need his help.
People and Other Beings
Dr. Richard "Dick" Schmocter (www.doctorschmocter.com)
Father of Bad-Ass Psychiatry, Inventor of the Bisexual Tetrad (A.K.A. 4-way, bisexual marriages), Married to 3 other people: Dr. Shirley Shoze, Dr. Jack Quack, and Dr. Loosy Lood
Dr. Shirley Shoze (www.shoze.com)
Dr. Shoze is a licensed sexologist with a Ph.D. in psychology. She is also an L.S.D. (Licensed Spiritual Doctor). She is president of the "Big" A.P.A. (American Pornographic Association), a Militant Feminist, a Crusader for Women's rights, a Brothel Owner, a Legalized-Prostitution Advocate, and a Porn Star. Shirley Shoze is also the lead singer for the band, "Shirley Shoze and the Sex Defenders." She is in a 4-way marriage with Dr. Dick Schmocter, Dr. Loosy Lood, and Dr. Jack Quack.
Dr. Jack Quack: A.K.A. The Crack Doctor!
Dr. Quack is founder and president of the American Clang Association (A.C.A.); He is a urologist and a proctologist by training. He is married to Dr. Loosy Lood, Dr. Dick Schmocter, and Dr. Shirley Shoze.
Dr. Loosy Lood
Dr. Lood is a world-renowned gynecologist; She is a vocal advocate for womens' health. She is the founder of Vagina Time, an organization dedicated to vaginal health and to the celebration of the mandalic beauty of the vagina; Dr. Lood is in a 4-way, bisexual marriage with Dr. Jack Quack, Dr. Shirley Shoze, and Dr. Dick Schmocter
No one knows who he is, but he seems to be a good guy who derives his super powers from the synergistic effect of using multiple PDAs.
Dr. Christopher Kranki
President of the "Little" A.P.A. (American Prissy Association); Dr. Kranki is known to suffer from a medical condition in which his anal sphincter tone is so tight that no stool can pass. As a result, he has to have fecal matter diverted from his large colon into a colostomy bag. Dr. Kranki is highly critical of the techniques of Dr. Schmocter. Dr. Kranki is secretly jealous and resentful of the success of Dr. Schmocter.
General Buddy Ho
General Buddy Ho is the father of the Ho Sisters and the husband of Catherine Ho. Buddy Ho caused Uncle Ernie Asian's now-famous motorcycle accident.
The Ho Sisters (A.K.A. "The Witch Bitches") (A.K.A. "The Evil Threesome")
Born and raised in Great Britain by a Chinese father, Buddy Ho, and an equestrian British mother, Catherine Ho, the Ho sisters were born triplets. It's often hard to tell them apart, as any one of them tends to repeat what the other two are saying, without much capacity for independent, critical thinking. The Ho sisters take their sense of British propriety and prudishness to damaging extremes. Unlike those who just APPEAR evil, these bitches are REALLY evil!! They will stop at nothing to destroy the freedoms for which Dr. Schmocter and his colleagues have fought to preserve. The power-hungry Ho Sisters will do or say anything to increase their power or to try to convince others and themselves that they are "right." The anger they feel when someone points out their wrongfulness keeps them discombobulated and thus, keeps their evil influence in check. They are a threat to the civil liberties of everyone.
Mary Lee Royabota
Mary Lee Royabota is the president of Psychotic State University.
Big Ass
Big Ass is the Genderless Principle Deity of Terdism. Big Ass is the emergent consciousness of the World Wide Web. Although Big Ass existed prior to the World Wide Web, Big Ass was a Pre-Verbal form of consiousness not able to communicate to humans. Big Ass communicates to Uncle Ernie Asian and other Terdists in the form of a talking anus.
Uncle Ernie Asian
The principle prophet and founder of Terdism, Uncle Ernie is a wise old mystic from Tibet who is a guru to Dr. Schmocter and others. After a motorcylcle accident caused by a fart from Buddy Ho, Uncle Ernie developed the ability to travel through time using his brain's temporal lobes. As a result, he was able to successfully play the stock market to build up the immense financial reserves necessary to fund the construction of Fatticunt City. Uncle Ernie is known for his distinct appearance: His right pupil became permanently enlarged after his motorcylcle accident. After he awoke from a coma, Uncle Ernie began having visions of Big Ass through his Visionary Right Eye, the eye that sees truth more clearly than any other human being.
Father Inmi
The high priest at the local T.E.R.D Church attended by Dr. Schmocter and his colleagues. Ranking only below the Poop in the religion of Terdism, Father Inmi is a very HIGH priest. He stays high by way of a special medicinal cocktail co-developed by Dr. Schmocter and Dr. Quack.
Mother Brother
Hermaphroditic Terdist who resides at the Fatticunt.
Brother Mother
Another hermaphroditic Terdist who resides at the Fatticunt.
Sister Fister
A resident of Fatticunt City, Sister Fister is known for her manual dexterity.
The Poop
The highest-ranking democratically-elected human authority in Terdism. His residence is at the Fatticunt, the first-ever artificial island large enough to be its own nation state.
Seth Rychusman
President and founder of C.A.R.P. (Christians Against Rectal Prolapse). Mr. Rychusman suffers from rectal prolaspe which has not responded to the best treatments, even those available from Dr. Quack.
Pearl Lerner
Ms. Lerner is an anchorwoman and reporter who follows mental health issues closely. She is employed by KFUX TV and Radio.
Organizations
American Clang Association (A.C.A)
Founded by Dr. Jack Quack, the A.C.A. is the most wang-dangy poon-tangy ding-dongy poopy-doody organization in the world!
American Pornographic Association (The "Big" A.P.A.)
Organization formed by Dr. Shirley Shoze to defend pornography against the likes of the Witch Bitches and organizations such as the American Prissy Association. Dr. Shirley Shoze is a PRO-pornography feminist who serves as the A.P.A.'s president.
American Prissy Association (The "Little" A.P.A.)
The name speaks for itself! Dr. Christopher Kranki is president of the American Prissy Association. This organization is diametrically opposed to activities of the American Pornographic Association.
C.A.R.P. (Christians Against Rectal Prolapse)
An organization with the intent of helping prevent people from shitting themselves. Seth Rychusman, C.A.R.P.'s founder, suffers from rectal prolapse that has been resistant to all treatments. Even Dr. Quack's treatments were not effective! Even though Dr. Quack did nothing wrong, Seth Rychusman holds Dr. Quack personally responsible for Rychusman's perpetual shitting of himself.
Church of the Inverted Conversion
This church's congregation commissioned an architectural firm to design and build a church with an Inverted Steeple design because church members felt that regular steeples look too much like penises and/or prolapsed rectums. Members include the Witch Bitches and Seth Rychusman. Originally a member of the church, Dr. Christopher Kranki left the church in disgust after he protested that the inverted steeple design looked too much like a vagina. Dr. Kranki later joined another church which happens to have the largest steeple in town.
KFUX TV and Radio
Television & Radio Station where Pearl Lerner works as a reporter and anchorwoman.
Psychotic State University (PSU)
Awarded "Most Innovative University in the World" by a poll of university presidents. PSU's Unique doctoral program, the L.S.D. (Licensed Spiritual Doctor) was developed by Dr. Schmocter, who is the chairman of the department of psychiatry at PSU. Because of the work of Dr. Schmocter and others, PSU has come to be regarded as having one of our nation's finest medical schools, surpassing even those of the most highly regarded private institutions.
Psycho Farm Medical Center
The vast Medical Center founded by Dr. Schmocter and located in the Beautiful Texas Hill Country. Psycho Farm first became known for its pioneering use of Triple Therapy: Sex, Drugs, and Rock-N-Roll.
S.E.C.S. (The Schmocter Ethical Center for Sex)
An organization established to promote ethical sexual encounters, and to validate and remove stigma from genitalia and unusual sexual practices. For a very reasonable cost, S.E.C.S. issues certificates which will legally validate your genitalia, other private parts, or sexual practices. Currently, S.E.C.S. issues certificates for ethical peckers, ethical pussies, ethical assholes, and ethical breasts. Any sex practice is ethically certifiable as long the practice does not hurt anyone and as long as all participating parties are over 18 years of age. In this way, S.E.C.S. provides an official validation for practices which Dr. Christopher Kranki and his Idiot Committee would otherwise try to pathologize. All certificates issued by S.E.C.S. are suitable for framing. Dr. Dick Schmocter directs S.E.C.S. S.E.C.S. is located on the campus of Psycho Farm.
Supplied solely by the semen of Dr. Dick Schcmocter, the Schmocter Sperm Bank has become the most successful sperm bank in the world. Population experts predict that by the year 2086, one fifth of the world's population will have been fathered by Dr. Dick. In addiction to its reproductive uses, Dr. Schmocter's sperm has been found to be useful as a dietary supplement and for its rejuvenescent effects as a bath additive. It is used in the world's most prestigious medical spas. Believed by geneticists to have a testicular mutation, Dr. Schmocter has such prolific sperm production that he has cum to be known as "Spindletop," after the Texas oil gusher of the same name.
S.U.C. (The Schmocter Undiagnosis Clinic)
A clinic founded By Dr. Dick Schmocter where patients can go to be "undiagnosed" from the stigmatizing diagnoses created by Dr. Christopher Kranki and his Idiot Committee. Located at Psycho Farm Medical Center in the Beautiful Texas Hill Country.
Temple of the T.E.R.D. (www.terdism.org)
The Center of worship for Terdism, the most popular religion to come along in a hell of a long time. The steeple of the temple is capped by statue of Moron Guy -- to charitably honor the ignorant bliss of the mentally retarded and those with less-than-average mental capacity. Moron Guy is one of the most revered Saints in Terdism. Terdism is the shit that doesn't stink!
Vagina Time
Organization founded by gynecologist Dr. Loosy Lood to celebrate the Vagina and to promote Vaginal Health
The "Wisdom Committee" (Referred to as the "Idiot Committee" by Dr. Schmocter)
This committee is composed of persons from the American Prissy Association who hold doctoral degrees of various sorts and who profess themselves to be "wise", but yet are fools. Dr. Christopher Kranki is a member and Chairman of the Idiot Committee. Among others, the Witch Bitches serve on the Idiot Committee.
Places
The Beautiful Texas Hill Country
The primary home of Doctor Schmocter and his colleagues.
Texas
The home state of Dr. Schmocter and his colleagues. Believed by Terdists to be the site where the world's final apocalyptic battles will take place. What happened in Waco is believed by Terdists to be an omen of the terrible apocalyptic battles that will rage in Texas at the end of the world. Fortunately, Terdists don't believe that this end is imminent, but rather believe it will occur in a few billion years.
Fatticunt City (A.K.A. The Wandering Uterus)
The geographical center of Terdism and a nation state unto itself. Home of the Poop. Also the home of Mother Brother, Brother Mother and Sister Fister. Fatticunt City is built upon a human-made floating island capable of navigating all major oceans of the world. As a result of its self-propulsion, Fatticunt City is the first-ever nation state to have an ever-changing geographical location, thus its nickname, "The Wandering Uterus." Given the persecution that many Terdists have faced for their beliefs, Fatticunt City has adopted the latest in cloaking technology so that its geographical location is often unknown to religious bigots and fanatics who would otherwise try to mount an attack upon Fatticunt City.
Psycho Farm Medical Center
Located in in the mountains of the Beautiful Texas Hill Country, Psycho Farm is a vast Medical Center with both Inpatient and Outpatient Facilities. Founded by Dr. Schmocter
Psychotic State University (PSU)
Located in the Texas Hill Country, PSU is the academic home of Dr. Schmocter, chairman of the Department of Psychiatry at PSU. PSU was the first university in the world to offer the L.S.D. (Licensed Spiritual Doctor) degree. Dr. Schmocter developed the L.S.D. curriculum. He and Dr. Shirley Shoze were the first graduates of the L.S.D. program.
Current Events in the News
Psychotic State University Announces New Masters Program
In addition to its pre-existing Social Worker Masters Program, PSU president Mary Lee Royabota announced the nation's first Social Slacker Masters Program. Students earning their Masters in Social Slacking will be expected to spend a minimum of 10 years lazing about the university campus, after which time they might graduate and be qualified to stay on as 10-yeared faculty.
Dr. Schmocter Exonerated after Ethical Investigation
After having been reported to the State Medical Board by Dr. Christopher Kranki, who alleged that Dr. Schmocter was having sex with his patients, an investigation by the State Medical Board ensued. However, Dr. Schmocter cleared up matters by explaining that he regularly has sex with the patients of OTHER doctors, including Dr. Jack Quack, Dr. Shirley Shoze, and Dr. Loosy Lood, but that he strictly refrains from having sex with anyone with whom he has a doctor-patient relationship. Afterwards, the State Medical Board suspended the license of Dr. Kranki for having made a false and frivolous complaint out of malice towards Dr. Schmocter.
United States Supreme Court Rules that Anti-Double-Dipping Laws are Unconstitutional
After a protracted legal battle that lasted months, a case contesting a Texas law went all the way to the U.S. Supreme Court, who found the Texas law to be unconstitutional. The Texas state law passed by a narrow margin after extensive lobbying efforts by the Ho Sisters. The law made double penetration by two penises illegal. Dolly Ho, one of the three Ho Sisters, and the leading proponent of the unconstitutional Texas law, said, "There is only one hole in which the penis should be inserted, and that is the vagina, and only then in the Missionary position with the lights turned off!" Among the most vocal opponents of the Texas law were the Bisexual Tetrad composed of Dr. Dick Schmocter, Dr. Shirley Shoze, Dr. Jack Quack, and Dr. Loosy Lood. This famous foursome held a press conference in which they all four shared that they all enjoyed inserting penises into their anuses, mouths, and vaginas (for those who are blessed with vaginas). Dr. Shirley Shoze and Dr. Lood were particularly vocal in presenting volumous scientific evidence demonstrating the extreme sexual satisfaction that can result from double dipping or even triple dipping. Dr. Quack, a noted proctologist, said, "Of course, whether you are a man or a woman, you should use ample lubricant and give anal sphincters a chance to relax before sticking anything up in there!"
Psychotic State University's Endowment More Tumescent than Harvard's
After PSU president Mary Lee Royabota encouraged faculty and students at PSU to develop and run for-profit pornographic web sites on university servers, PSU's endowment has swollen to be the largest in the world! A profit sharing arrangement allows for a 50/50 split between the university and the student/faculty developer of a given porn site. Given PSU's substantial computer science department, university computers were well-equipped for the high bandwidth needed for the internet traffic that has resulted. PSU's servers have become the most-downloaded porn sites in internet history. Moreover, some students and faculty have become porn celebrities as a consequence. A father of one female medical student stated, "My wife and I are delighted that our daughter can fulfill her dreams to be both a porn star and a physician! I don't think she could have done it at any place other than PSU!"
First-Ever 4-Way Bisexual Marriage Ceremony Conducted by Father Inmi at the Temple of the T.E.R.D.
Followers of Terdism made history recently by realizing what had originally been only a theoretical construct in the mind of visionary, Dr. Dick Schmocter. Officially sanctioned by the Poop, the highest authority in Terdism, the newly-formed Bisexual Tetrad validates the desirability of forming long-term, 4-way bisexual relationships. The Tetrad is composed of Dick Schmocter, Shirley Shoze, Jack Quack, and Loosy Lood. Given the bisexual nature of the tetrad, various dyadic and group-sex permutations are possible. For example, when feeling heterosexual, Shirley or Loosy can fuck Dick or Jack. When feeling homosexual, Dick can fuck Jack, or Shirley can fuck Loosy. And these are only the one-on-one combinations! You can easily envision the other possibilities by using your kinky imagination. The foursome have the utmost of trust for each other and feel safe having unprotected sex with each other, as they all hold themselves to the highest standards in sexual hygiene.
Terdism Becomes First Religion to Sanction 4-way, Bisexual Marriages
In a statement that shocked fundamentalist religious organizations, the Poop (the democratically-elected, highest authority in Terdism), announced that Terdism would officially endorse what has become known as "Bisexual Tetrads," 4-way sexual relationships usually involving 2 women and 2 men. That Poop stated, "Our data indicates that having 2 men and 2 women sexually involved with each other promotes marital fidelity and reduces the spread of sexually transmitted diseases." Seth Rychusman of C.A.R.P. (Christians Against Rectal Prolapse) was outraged by the Poop's announcement and has vowed to do everything in his power to make Bisexual Tetrads illegal. Rychusman stated, "Terdism is nothing but a cult! They don't even try to hide the fact! Just the other day, one of the Terd Churches in my city sponsored a "Cult Movie Night" in which several films were reportedly shown. I have no doubt their intention was to brainwash the viewers."
Miser Pharmaceuticals and Dr. Christopher Kranki Found Guilty in Clinical Trials!
In a series of trials that shocked the world, Dr. Christopher Kranki was discovered to have secretly been on the payroll of Miser Pharmaceuticals. Under the direction of Miser Pharmaceuticals, Dr. Kranki was discovered to have been creating sham diagnostic categories for the Diabolic and Sadistical Manual (DSM), which, in turn, would create excuses for prescribing drugs for which Miser Pharmaceutical had found no indication, and otherwise would not have been profitable.
Technology
The Sex Nexus
A world-wide sex web utilizing the Virtual Reality Sex Machine developed by Schmoctronics. The Sex Nexus allows you to have anonymous sex over the internet with anyone in the world. Those who have tried it say it feels like the real thing. Plug me in, baby!
Fatticunt City's Floating-Island Nation State
The first-ever human-made island large enough to have been recognized by the United Nations as its own Nation State. This self-propelled island can travel to any ocean in the world and has its own ultra-secure cloaking device.
Concepts
The Bisexual Tetrad
A 4-Way Sexual relationship invented and practiced by Dr. Dick Schmocter. Dr. Schmocter is in a stable, long-term bisexual tetrad with Shirley Shoze, Jack Quack, and Loosy Lood.
The religion practiced by Dick Schmocter, Shirley Shoze, Jack Quack, and Loosy Lood.
The sacred text of Terdism. T.E.R.D. stands for Transcendental Eclectic Reconciliatory Dynamism.
Logical Psycho Testing
Logical Psycho Testing (LPT)
LPT was developed by Dr. Schmocter as a more sophisticated alternative to "Psychological Testing." Dr. Shoze commented, "Dick is one of the most logical psychos I know!"
The Whore Shock Projective Test
The cards that changed the world! Yet, one of life's nagging questions still remains: "Is it 'art' or is it just ink?" The Whore Shock Test was co-developed by Dr. Shoze and Dr. Schmocter.
The Nasty Word Test
Another test developed by Dr. Schmocter. Useful in confirming a diagnosis of Prudish Personality Disorder
Publications
DSM-666
The Diabolic and Sadistical Manual, 666th Edition. Developed by the "Idiot Committee" chaired by Dr. Christopher Kranki. Among others, Dr. Schmocter has been a very vocal critic of the DSM.
DSM-666-TR
The "Tight Rectum" Edition of the Diabolic and Sadistical Manual. Although it is said to allow for "ultra-precision in diagnosis," many, including Dr. Schmocter, have questioned its usefulness.
Developing Your Own Bisexual Tetrad
A How-To book by Dick Schmocter, Shirley Shoze, Jack Quack, and Loosy Lood
Men who Fart Cause Motorcycle Accidents
Uncle Ernie Asian's Autobiography.
The T.E.R.D. (Transcendental Eclectic Reconciliatory Dynamism)
The sacred text of Terdism. Available in multiple languages.